Two Children On the Way, Our Surrogate Pregnant With Twins
A little over one year from the day we decided to use a surrogate, I am ecstatic to say we have two children on the way, and our surrogate is due in two weeks. What a difference a year makes. Finally, our happy ending is in sight.
I am happy to say that the stress of this process did not hurt my marriage. Throughout this journey my husband has always been amazing and supportive. There were times when I would get frustrated by his optimism. Of course, it was easy for him to feel this way— he hadn’t obsessively read everything there was to read on the Internet, and he wasn’t the one being poked and prodded for years. I felt that as much as we were going through this together, this was my war—and it was against my own body. The most important gift he gave me was maintaining something I wasn’t always able to—hope.
So after all of it— acupuncture, Eastern medicine, experimental drugs, diet changes, positive thinking, countless doctors, flying to see a specialist, Reiki, a holistic cleanse, all this time and money—we found our light at the end of this dark tunnel. But I didn’t come through it unscathed.
Everybody tells us, “Watch, now you’ll get pregnant and have a baby.” You hear countless stories of this happening. But the truth is that the thought of becoming pregnant again terrifies me. I read a blog from a woman who felt she was suffering from post-IVF PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and I can completely relate. We recently made our fourth trip to Kentucky to see Kristie and attend appointments. Even though we had just been in the waiting room, hands on her belly, feeling our babies moving around for the first time, when the doctor pulled out a handheld Doppler to hear the babies’ heartbeats, I couldn’t contain the anxiety and terror that was rising in my body. It was all I could do to keep myself in that room and not run out screaming. I don’t know if these feelings will ever pass or subside, but I can thankfully say I don’t really have to worry about it anymore.
The surrogacy process overall has been a breeze for us. However, it did come with its unexpected disappointments along the way. My employer doesn’t recognize a bonding leave and only views maternity leave as a medical leave. For this reason, they will not allow me to take the paid leave that is given to my pregnant co-workers. During the second sonogram of our babies, excitedly getting ready to FaceTime so that we could still be a part of everything from over 750 miles away, we were told that this was not allowed. And recently, I found out that only one person would be allowed into the operating room with our surrogate during the birth of our babies. How can I hear our babies’ first cries, set eyes on these miracles for the first time, and find out the sexes of each without my husband there with me? Although medicine and technology have come a long way, unfortunately, society has not come far enough.
In the end, these things are all just blips on the radar. At this point, four long years after this journey began, nothing can bring me down.
This article was originally published online at: http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a10726/why-i-chose-a-surrogate/
RSMC is a full service fertility center and can arrange surrogacy services along with all medical reproductive services.