Your Journey to Being a Mom Through Surrogacy Begins at a Surrogacy Agency
Becoming a mother is a journey, it doesn’t matter which path to motherhood you take. Becoming a mother through surrogacy is like adopting with the added benefit of a genetic connection to the child and some assurances about the behavior of the birth mother. Most people who plan on using a surrogate to carry their child have exhausted their other options for having a child they are biologically related to. At this point the options are usually surrogacy or adoption, if it’s important that the child carry the genes of at least one parent then surrogacy is your only option for motherhood.
- Locate a surrogate. Once you’ve decided on surrogacy the first step is to decide how you’re going to locate a surrogate to work with. Some people have women in their lives who volunteer to be surrogates for them, it’s a very loving gesture and can work out if they fit the surrogacy profile. Other people advertise on the internet, this method is more problematic because you don’t know who you’re dealing with. If you find a woman who fits the surrogacy profile, and can come to an agreement you believe she will adhere to, this can be a good option too. The first two methods require the intended parents to do a lot of research, have the surrogate examined by a fertility doctor and psychiatrist to determine her fitness to become a surrogate mother, hire a lawyer to prepare contracts, arrange medical care for the surrogate and fertility services for themselves so they can produce an embryo through IVF and for the surrogate so she can be implanted with the embryo after her womb is properly prepared. That is a lot of work and, depending on the relationship you end up having with the surrogate, might not cover all possible problems that could arise. This is why most people end up using a surrogacy agency. According to a California surrogacy agency, agencies have lists of women available to become surrogate mothers and egg donors who have been vetted already, so there’s no waiting to find the perfect match; medical facilities so all fertility services are coordinated, often under one roof; support systems for the surrogates and their families; and legal contracts and other services as part of the package, they use lawyers that are familiar with all the laws that pertain and have contracts that fully cover any situation.
- Keep in touch with your surrogate. If you have a friend or family member who is going to become a surrogate mother for you, or surrogate who lives near by, you’ll be in touch with them regularly and attend all important medical visits. If you’re using a surrogate located through a surrogacy agency who doesn’t live close to you then you will want to email or Skype regularly to receive updates on the pregnancy, doctor visits, view ultrasounds, etc. This is your baby so it’s important to monitor the pregnancy without overwhelming the surrogate mother and her family.
- Prepare to become a parent. Read books on parenting, especially books on infants and toddlers. Take a class on newborn care, most hospitals offer them. You might feel a little out of place there but once you explain why you’re there the other mothers will embrace you. This might also be a good source of “mom friends” once the baby comes.
- Connect with other women who have children carried by surrogates. These women can be a great source of support during the “waiting” phase and will have ideas to help you bond with your baby once it arrives. Your surrogacy agency might have a group or be able to put you in touch with individuals who have expressed an interest in helping other families through the process.
- Prepare to bring the baby home. Get the nursery ready, buy the stroller and car seat, stock your cupboards since you won’t be able to shop much your first couple of weeks as a parent. This “nesting” behavior prepares your home to accommodate a baby and also prepares you, just seeing all the stuff in your home will bring home the idea that there’s a baby coming soon.
- Let your friends and family members throw you a shower. You need stuff anyway and your friends and relatives are happy for you, let them show it by throwing a shower. If you have the shower before the baby comes be sure to show pictures of the latest ultrasound and have an update on the pregnancy and due date ready to share. This could also be a good time to mention that you will be needing some help, like all new mothers, after the baby arrives. Since you aren’t giving birth people might not think about how overwhelmed you’re going to be with a newborn in the house. Most people are eager to help, they just need to be how. If you let people know what you think you’ll be requiring help with, like your other children or shopping, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much help you end up with.
Infertility can be a lonely journey, most people feel like they’re the only ones suffering through it and don’t reach out for support. Motherhood is a different journey filled with other people supporting each other. Once you’re a mother you’re in the club for life, it doesn’t matter which path you took to get there so enjoy your journey to being a mom through surrogacy.