A Few Thoughts on Selecting an Egg Donor
After thinking about this repeatedly, I had to go back 10 years and reflect on what I went through selecting an egg donor. The first thing that came to my mind was to search for an egg donor who resembled me. My egg donor had to be my twin if I could not make use of my own.
I was wrong.
There are many reasons why it didn’t work. For one, genetics, as I came to realize, is a very funny thing. Two people can come together, mix their genes and the resulting baby will resemble the flower man. A lot of families have kids that do not look like mom or dad in any way. It wasn’t guaranteed I would end up with a baby that looked like me, even if I did get someone who resembled me.
Another reason is, why on earth did I want to replace myself? It’s not something I would like to do. I would not even think about it. So, I followed the crowd —did the same thing a lot of people do, which is to get obsessed about choosing the perfect donor. And by obsessed, I mean as obsessed as one can get.
After giving it much thought, I realized my obsession was wanting someone I was drawn to and connected with on many levels. Maybe someone that seems familiar, (you know, like an old jacket). I arrived at that conclusion after going through several donor profiles. I also let my doctor know the things that matter to me. For instance, height, I was looking for a donor who all had height in her lineage. Also, I wanted someone with curly blonde hair. I wanted something different than the annoying straight hair I have had all my life. Last, I wanted a donor with blue eyes. Who doesn’t like blue eyes?
Finally,
I organized my thoughts and came to realize that this is an egg donor cycle. I may wait until I am 50 to conceive. So, at age 36, I stepped back and for the very first time in my whole life to smell the roses and to breathe. This baby that my partner and I were trying to get would be born out of love – a girl or boy, tall or short, teacher, actor– would be different from others, loved and mine.
After the gnashing of teeth and much anxiety, my physician did a good job. He got me a donor that he believed could blend into my family! She was more than average in height, had blue eyes, curly hair and was a lovely woman. After going through her profile, I think my doctor was right. I felt drawn to her because she is funny, had good sense of humor and a way with words. And above all, she was physically and emotionally healthy and bright- an ideal match for us.
The key lesson this whole experience taught me is that no two people are the same. Just like fingerprints, each of us is unique in our own way. While I might have been very frustrated at certain points, it was worthwhile because the donor was unique, and that is very important to us. – [Patient Name]
