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For Her Being a Surrogate Was Also About the Activism

/For Her Being a Surrogate Was Also About the Activism

It Is As Much About the Activism as the Money for Me

“Some people do it for the money…but for me it’s also about the activism.” –K.R., 36, Gridley, California, married, 3 children

about the activismI remember in high school I had a friend that was gay and I wondered how he would have a baby. At the same time, a straight couple on Days of Our Lives had a baby by surrogate. I thought that was amazing, and I wanted to do that for someone. Then once I had my own kids, I thought how happy I was having my kids and couldn’t imagine what it would be like for someone who couldn’t have babies.

I knew I wanted to work with a gay couple and I found an agency that was known for helping gay couples. Some people do it for the money, or they always wanted to do it, but for me it’s also about the activism. I think it’s ridiculous that gay men can’t get married in some states and in some states can’t adopt. I don’t have a million dollars to donate to these causes, but I do have a working uterus. I’ve delivered two sets of twins for two gay couples. When others have found out that my couples were gay they haven’t really said anything to my face, but I’m sure there is talk behind my back.

[My first couple] lived only three hours away and wanted me to be a part of their lives, so we see the girls every 8-12 weeks. I remember when I was in the delivery room the first time, and the twins met their Grandma, and she was bawling and hugging me … I was like omigosh. It is so utterly amazing and life altering. It is like being on a drug. Who wouldn’t want to do that again? When the surrogacy agency asked me if I would do this again I said yes. I asked my husband and he said do whatever you want to do. You need [your family’s] support.

The way that I explain it to people is for nine months I’m babysitting. I wouldn’t rub my baby and talk to it the same way. So with my second couple, who didn’t live as close, I would play belly buds and put them on my belly. I had the guys record their favorite songs and play it for their babies. For me, I don’t think there are any worst parts. I had really easy pregnancies. If people hate pregnancy, they’re probably not going to do this for anyone else.

Article Originally Published: http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/be-a-surrogate-mother-surrogacy-story/